


Goldilocks Emil & the Three Bear Warriors

by LooNEY_DAC



Series: LooNEY_DAC's SSSS AUs [7]
Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, Gen, No Rash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LooNEY_DAC/pseuds/LooNEY_DAC
Summary: A certain Swede goes into the woods...





	

_Once Upon a Time..._

Emil “Goldilocks” Västerström made his way homeward through the big, dark, scary forest dejectedly. He hadn’t caught a thing today, so his Uncle Torbjörn and Aunt Siv would send him to bed without supper again, while they made do with the dregs of last week’s pease porridge.

A bolt of lightning blazed through the heavens, splitting a tree close to Emil’s path. He was supposed to stay on the path, because then the wolves and the bears wouldn’t chase him and gobble him up. But would getting struck by lightning really be any better than that?

Rain began to pour down, and the lightning cracked again. Emil tried to duck beneath a particularly broad pine, but as soon as he stepped off the path, his feet flew out from under him, and he slid through the mud until he fell into a dark cave.

Gathering himself together, Emil reached into his basket and pulled out his tinder-box. Now, most tinder-boxes wouldn’t work if you got them as wet and muddy as this one was, but Emil had used all of his earnings for last year to get some special things from the apothecary so that his tinder-box would always light when he needed it to.

Emil had fallen into a hole, but he’d come to rest against a rough-hewn door. “Ah!” he told himself. “Here is a place where I may seek shelter for the night in exchange for some labor!” As he was a well-mannered young man (when he remembered to be), Emil thereupon knocked at the door, which bounced open.

Although Emil did not know it, he was entering the abode of three Bear Warriors of great renown: Sigrun, the fiercest Bear Warrior ever ever ever; Mikkel, the general dogs-body of the trio; and Lalli, their newly acquired Cub Scout. They lived all alone in the woods because they didn’t like other people, and all the wolves and the bears were too scared to try to eat them.

Emil carefully shut the door behind him, being careful to be on his best behavior. “Hello?” he called. “Is anyone home?”

After no one answered, Emil shrugged. He would just go around the place and see what work was needed that he could do. But first, he took his muddy cloak off and hung it on a stand by the door, also removing his muddy boots and placing them by the stand. It would be impolite to track mud all over someone else’s home when you were their guest.

The first room Emil found was the living room. He saw three chairs arranged around the fireplace. “Ah!” he told himself. “I can get the fire going, so this room will be nice and warm for them when they return!” And he did.

He didn’t sit in any of the chairs, though each looked inviting, because he still had work to do. “Now, for the other rooms.”

The next room Emil found was the kitchen and dining area, where three bowls sat atop the table. “Oh, this will never do!” Emil said. “Without something to cover them, the bowls will attract bugs from everywhere!”

Emil looked through the cupboards until he found some clean cheesecloths. He took some and covered each bowl so the porridge inside would stay bug-free. Emil didn’t eat any of the porridge, even though he was very hungry by now, because that would be rude.

Finally, Emil came to the bedroom, where three unmade and very messy beds immediately caught his eye. “Oh!” he said. “This will never do!” And he straightened up the room and made the beds. Emil did not lie down on any of the beds, though by now he was very tired, because that would be rude.

After all this, Emil went back to the living room and stood warming himself by the fireplace when the door flew open and Sigrun, Mikkel, and Lalli came in. Before Emil could speak, Sigrun went to the most uncomfortable-looking of the chairs.

“Someone has been sitting in my chair!” she roared, ignoring Emil’s stuttered denials (and Emil himself) completely.

Mikkel went over to a larger and plusher chair. “Someone’s been sitting in _my_ chair,” he said in surprise, also ignoring Emil completely.

Lalli, however, looked straight at Emil, who held up his hands and said, “I swear, I haven’t sat down the whole time I’ve been here!”

“Okay,” Lalli replied quietly.

The others ignored them and went into the kitchen, where both Sigrun and Mikkel declared that someone had been eating their porridge, while Lalli shook his head.

Emil was getting very confused by now.

Now they all stomped into the bedroom, where Sigrun and Mikkel declared that their beds had been slept in by some interloper. Emil finally got mad.

“Look,” he said, pointing at the beds, “I have only made the beds, not slept in them, just as I only covered the porridge, without eating any, and lit a fire to warm the chairs, without sitting in them. I tried to ensure that I didn’t track mud in here, and in every other way, I’ve tried to behave like a good guest, even though I wasn’t invited. Why do you accuse me of such rudeness?”

“Aren’t you ‘Goldilocks’ Västerström?” Sigrun asked, surprised by his ire.

“Well, yes,” Emil admitted. “Why?”

“Well, we were told that ‘Goldilocks’ Västerström was a mean and rude boy who would leave us--Lalli especially--without food or a place to sit or even a bed.”

“Who said this?” Emil asked.

“They never mentioned their names.”

The three Bear Warriors were so impressed by Emil’s good manners that they let him stay until dawn, and gave him a grouse to take home, saying he could visit whenever he wanted. Lalli even shook Emil’s hand, which was not usually his thing.

And the moral of the story is: it pays to be polite.


End file.
